This is what victims of sexual abuse experience

“I don’t sleep. Sleep was the first thing that was taken from me on October 7,” Yael (pseudonym) describes her nights since the Hamas massacre in southern Israel. As a northerner, she struggles daily with the effects of war, but that’s not all. Having experienced prolonged sexual abuse as a child, the war and the nightmares that occurred on the morning of Simchat Torah, October 7, have resurfaced old traumas that haunt her.

“I do everything I can to stay awake,” Yael shared. “When I do, I have terrifying dreams about terrorists brutally raping me over and over again. Sometimes I escape, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I save my children, sometimes I don’t manage to save them — but the rape always happens.”

It’s been an unbearable nine months since the war in Gaza began, and the psychological toll on the various victims is only just beginning to show. “I had a full life, and since October 7, I haven’t been able to accomplish anything. I’m frozen,” Yael said. “I cry every day, I wake up crying, I go to sleep crying. I struggle to hold back my tears during the day. I know that’s hard for a lot of people, but I think getting to that point when you already have a previous trauma is different. I feel like I’m standing on a surfboard, trying to keep my balance.”

Preliminary results of a study conducted by the Association of Rape Crisis Centers in cooperation with Bar-Ilan University indicate that the situation of victims of sexual assault has worsened due to the war.

A major finding from participants’ accounts is a sense of rebirth of trauma. “I’ve been in very dark places in recent months,” Yael said. “As a teenager, I cut myself a lot. During the months of war, I cut again, and then I wonder how I’m going to get out of the shower without my kids seeing it. It’s something I haven’t been able to deal with for years.”

The study data also revealed that 57% of victims reported a worsening of symptoms related to their previous sexual assault. About 53% reported an increase in flashback symptoms since the beginning of the war. Forty percent reported a general feeling of anxiety. Another 36% reported an increase in intrusive thoughts related to their sexual assault, and 12% reported an increase in dissociative episodes.

“Participants described how the unexpected attack, the alarms, and the war caused fear and anxiety,” the researchers reported. “The stress of war brought back memories of the past for victims, causing some to have serious psychological breakdowns. Even those who were “stable” before the war and felt balanced in their coping skills reported a worsening of their condition due to the war and its consequences.”

Psychological effects described by participants included general depression, anxiety, panic attacks, stress, nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and fear. Physical effects focused on a variety of somatic problems, including difficulty sleeping, difficulty falling asleep, excessive sleeping, difficulty breathing, frequent crying, numbness, body pain, emotional eating, and loss of appetite.

“One of the first and most important findings of the study is the need for survivors to recognize their condition, their unique complexity in the context of war, and its consequences,” explained Dr. Karmit Klar-Chalamish, director of research at the Association of Rape Crisis Centers. “It is crucial to understand that during this period, as their condition worsened, treatment resources were reduced. The deterioration included increased PTSD symptoms, hyperarousal, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts, requiring treatment and emotional support. Reductions were made because of conscription or the redirection of therapists to treat evacuees and survivors of the events of October 7.”

Survivors in the study described how the focus on sexual assaults during the massacre and captivity triggered memories of their own past trauma. “It reminds me of the time when no one saved me,” Ayelet described. “People don’t understand that rape is death. I experience assault over and over again, and every time it kills me. Those who haven’t experienced it will never understand what hell it is.”

Ayelet was sexually raped as a child, between the ages of six and nine, by a close relative. “Everyone knew and no one did anything, like now. I screamed and no one heard,” she said. “Now, when I hear about women and girls in captivity, probably pregnant, it paralyzes me. I can’t explain how many times during that period I went to the family doctor, how many times I thought about ending it all, I had suicidal thoughts.”

As mentioned, the characteristics of war reflect trauma. “Like what happened in the war, women are becoming instruments of humiliation of the nation,” said Professor Keren Gueta, head of the Clinical Criminology Program at Bar-Ilan University. The CEO of the Association of Rape Crisis Centers, Orit Sulitzeanu, emphasized her words: “Mental health and social care professionals must convey the message that past suffering and trauma have their place. We must ensure that everyone who needs help can receive it in a timely manner to maintain personal and social resilience in the country.”